12/13/2012

no more negative thinking

Hey there! Greetings from Atlanta! It’s been a packed last few days since I last wrote with working and traveling out here to visit my family. God it’s nice to be home. I got up early and went to a great yoga class, had a green juice that only cost me $3.11 (I could totally get used to that!) and have spent the afternoon doing a lot of personal writing – getting clear on some of my intentions for the new year.

A few days ago I decided that I was not going to let myself spiral into any more negative thinking – I just wasn’t going to go there. Once that was decided I started paying even closer attention to when my negative thoughts start to spiral and stop the spiral when I catch it. This takes a great deal of awareness and patience on my part. Doing this type of inner work – actually shifting my thinking patterns as they occur is very challenging. In order to attempt it I have to be sure that all my other ducks are in a row so to speak like getting enough rest, eating well, meditating, yoga. From just a handful of days of practice I have noticed a shift in my overall attitude towards the relationship ending and myself. When I don’t engage in all the crappy thinking, “I messed it all up”, “I am too old and not good enough”, “if only I had done xyz this wouldn’t be happening”, “I am unlovable exactly as I am”, “I will never have a true partnership”, etc – I don’t feel as crappy! Of course you’re like OBVS, but, easier said than done when your heart is heavy and the tears won’t stop coming. My willingness to practice this advanced level of self-care: not engaging in the crappy thoughts has made me feel more confident and grounded during this transitional time.

There is nothing like the pain of a loss to bring you into even more clarity than you had previously. My heart is still heavy at times and I do feel lonely. This is all very normal and ok and to be expected. I tend to think oh I should feel better by this date or I shouldn’t cry about this anymore but the truth is I am healing and it is getting better and these things take time. It’s just all very interesting to me. There are so many major shifts going on in my life and in the world right now. There is a tremendous amount of creative energy present, I can feel it everywhere. I am clear today that it is my job to rest, take care of myself and do all the inner work I need to do to move into the new year. Everything feels majorly in focus right now and I am using this focus by putting pen to paper in order to let the universe know what I truly desire.

Following my heart and living a spiritual life is a full time job, one that even in the midst of pain and uncertainty I am grateful for. As I move into this weekend with my family I am going to take extra time each day to remember where I came from and just how much I have overcome since leaving home over nine years ago. There is always more to be discovered and I am in the perfect place to learn more about myself in relationship to the people that brought me into this world. Thank you again to everyone that has reached out and written to me. I promise to respond to all of you by the end of the weekend. You are all in my thoughts and prayers and we truly are in this together.

More soon.

xoa

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