how to start believing in yourself today

drop the resistance

Today we’re going to talk about the beliefs that hold us back and how to change them. It’s going to take effort, lots of it. A little heart breaking and a bunch of elbow grease. I promise it will be worth all of the tears.

Friday I had a (near) complete meltdown around my business finances. I have been working with an awesome business coach, doing the challenging work of getting my finances is order. Guess what? When you work on finances, stuff tends to come up and by stuff I mean feelings. And so many of them. Doing the painstaking work of going through monthly statements, getting everything into Quickbooks, and having to sit with how we’ve spent our money is nothing short of humbling. And slightly embarrassing depending on how you spend.

If I’ve learned anything since embarking on my self-care journey 13 years ago I’ve learned this – anxiety is BFF with resistance. The more I resisted doing the nitty gritty financials the more anxiety I created in my business. Over the years I  have also learned this key lesson: there is a direct correlation between being willing to take steps towards clarity and reducing anxiety. Willingness is the antidote to resistance. #forreal

For months I have been in loads of fear around my ability to run a thriving business. Living in this continuous fearful state has brought me up close and personal with this belief: I am incapable of running a successful business. That has pretty much been my mantra when it comes to my work. I have sat with this belief for so long, too full of shame to share it with anyone until the other day.

Tears. Loads of them. Coming clean about this belief that I know is holding me back was liberating. For the first time since I can remember I heard that quiet voice: you are more than capable of running a successful business. Sigh. Relief. I sobbed for an hour. It was cathartic and necessary. Finally a little space to breathe.

Where this faulty belief came from is anyone’s guess. At this point I am less interested in it’s origin than I am in moving forward. I am ready to believe in myself 100%. I am willing to do whatever it takes to gain clarity because I know that it is the first step towards re-mapping my belief system.

Start believing in yourself:

1. Discover what beliefs are not serving you.
Be still. Notice your obsessive thoughts. Pay attention to what you avoid and how that makes you feel. There isn’t one way to do this. I love yoga and meditation. These practices give me a direct and clear line to my inner terrain and from there I can pinpoint my beliefs.

2. Drop the resistance. 
Even when we discover our limiting beliefs we might be resistant to changing them. Chances are we have been holding on to them for so long and it’s nearly impossible to imagine we can cultivate a new belief. By dropping the resistance we have towards change, a new belief will slowly, quietly, begin to take shape. As the anxiety lessens and we spend more time in awareness of our beliefs that keep us small, really amazing things start to happen.

3. Get clear.
Once you have labeled the belief you want to let go and are willing to kick the resistance to the curb you are ready to take action. The first two steps help us see what the action steps are. Once your have some ideas on what you can do to move towards change, jot them down and make a commitment to taking care of one thing at a time. In my case it was to hire outside help with my finances. Working on my financials gave me the clarity I needed to move forward, move towards shaping a new belief: I am capable of managing a successful business.

4. Come clean. 
Share your shame. Open up to those you trust. The more we keep our limiting beliefs to ourselves the more power they have in our lives. You are not alone. None of us are. Get vulnerable. Cry. Shed. Laugh. Feel incredibly alive. Let it out and allow your loved ones to support you through this.

5. Move forward.
Do the work. Get your hands dirty. Make the calls. Get the help you need so that you can change your life in a radical way. Try to do one simple action daily to start believing in yourself. Everything you do no matter how large or small is important.  You are important. Start today.

 

Everything comes from our beliefs – the things that we have accepted as true about ourselves. No matter where they came from we have the power to re-map them right now. Taking the time to discover what beliefs are getting in our way is the first step towards a liberated life, a life that is in alignment with our truest essence.

This is such awesome work. Once I got honest, calmed down, and took a look at Quickbooks again with a fresh pair of eyes it was amazing. My business is doing well and will do even better now that I am willing to work at dismantling that faulty belief. There is so much power in being willing to do this kind of work.

Join me on this scary and rewarding journey. It’s not easy. There will be uncomfortable feelings, messy situations, and mistakes along the way. Take a breath and commit to yourself. Let’s be there for each other as we break old patterns and create new ones based on who we want to be today.

xoa

 
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6 Comments

  1. Posted February 18, 2014 at 07:22 | Permalink

    Thanks for the encouragement! ;-)

  2. Posted February 18, 2014 at 09:43 | Permalink

    Ashley, you really got me thinking with this one. The link between resistance and anxiety feels spot on to me.
    For what it’s worth… I think you are an amazing business woman. I haven’t seen your quickbooks statement, but your entrepreneurial spirit is strong and your talents limitless, lady. Keep going!
    xoxo
    E

  3. ashley
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 19:45 | Permalink

    You’re welcome ;)
    xoa

  4. ashley
    Posted February 18, 2014 at 19:51 | Permalink

    Thank you Erin, your words mean a great deal to me. Walking through that fear and getting honest about it was huge. And look, 3 new clients today. It always falls into place when I put one foot in front of the other. That must be why it’s called practice ;) Onward and upward! xoa

  5. Posted February 20, 2014 at 19:38 | Permalink

    I have been reflecting a lot on this lately and you simply put it in the clearest words. I consult clients for weight loss/management and what resonates with me is that their number one weakness is the limitations they have placed on themselves with false beliefs. In turn it has made me more aware of mine, so thank you for sharing your story- its true the more you talk about it the easier it is to break them down!

  6. ashley
    Posted February 26, 2014 at 09:05 | Permalink

    Hi Janae,

    Thank you for sharing your reflections. I appreciate your thoughts and experiences on this topic. I see the same thread in my work and like you, it has made my false beliefs much clearer. There is so much to gain from opening up about our false beliefs. I totally agree and feel it is at the root of what holds us back in all areas of life! Thank you for inspiring me today. xoa

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