1/8/2013

facing fears in 2013 continues…. ;)

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Good evening! Wow it’s late! This day flew by. I can’t even believe how awesome and full it was. Lately I’ve been in the practice of what my life coach calls “tracking your magic” and today was one of those days where it was like one magical thing after the next. Tracking magic means paying extra attention to all the goodness that comes your way, maybe it’s an inspiring conversation with a stranger or a seemingly out of the blue job offer or running into friends on a neighborhood walk – all of those things that can easily be dismissed are paid close attention to. Living like this, tracking my magic is such a fun practice. It keeps me focused on what I want more of in my life and reminds me that there is so much to be excited about in the everyday here and now. After a rough end to 2012 this year is looking so up it is ridiculous.

Speaking of up, I faced a huge fear of mine today and got myself in to a handstand. Many of my yoga friends know this has been one of those asanas that I have really struggled with this past year and it’s been my fear that has kept me from going upside down like this. I can do other inversions and balancing poses but for whatever reason this one has been challenging for me. I went through periods last year where I would practice this pose daily and then I’d stop for a while. Luckily at my home studio handstands happen in almost every class so I got a lot of practice even though some days I’d just help other people and not even try.

January third, only a few days ago, I decided this was going to be my year to get into a handstand. In order to accomplish that goal I committed to practicing it everyday at home no matter what. I have been determined and totally fearless. Something has really shifted in me over the last few weeks. I don’t know how to explain it other than I just don’t feel as scared, it’s like the under current of fear that I’ve lived with my entire life has started to break down so much that I am more willing than ever to really go for what I want.

And there you have it. After just 6 days of focused practice I got up. The feeling was totally electrifying. I felt energy all over, surges of it running through my body. I came out of the pose and started to cry. I laughed. I was in awe of myself for facing the fear of going into this pose. I tried again just to make sure it wasn’t some freak accident and I got up again and again and again. I felt like I was 5 learning how to ride a bike. I was so excited I had my friend take a photo of me when he came over for dinner tonight. Look! I’m in handstand! OMG!

Eventually I’ll get off the wall of course but hey, one step at a time right?! There is still so much more to learn in this asana, I am a beginner and I love that. This is the start of a new relationship with myself. Yoga asanas continue to blow me away. Not only have they changed my physical body a great deal over this past year especially, but they continue to shift my energy, mind and heart. Having a practice and workshopping specific asanas allows me to go deeper in the pose and into myself. Making the commitment to face my fear and go upside down literally shifts my perspective on everything. It’s just so awesome.

I have been hard at work the last couple of days making recipes and shooting for my eBook. I am a little anxious about it but more excited than anything else. This book is about me putting myself out there more and going for my dreams full force this year. It feels incredible to be working on it and have the support of my community. We are launching very soon!

Ok, it’s way past my bed time. I just had to post tonight and I am still giddy about my day and getting into a handstand. I was always afraid that my arms would buckle or that I wasn’t strong enough to do it. It turns out I am strong enough and am completely capable of supporting myself. This is a profound and amazing affirmation for what I already know deep down. Facing my fear and pushing myself to get upside down is a beautiful illustration for how I want to live out the rest of the year. I am going to fall a lot but I am strong and can take care of myself no matter what.

I love you all. Goodnight.

xoa

Comments

  • jd

    Congratulations on what sounds like an awesome day – including overcoming your fear of doing a handstand! “Tracking your magic” sounds like a really fulfilling way to move through the world… so inspiring. I love it!

    • ashley

      Thanks so much JD!! Yeah, it was pretty rad, can’t wait to practice today ;) Yes! Track your magic too – it’s been incredible thus far, great to put a positive spin on our daily lives you know? Thanks for stopping by!

      xoa

  • John Saslow

    Ashley,

    You go girl! Get upside down. So inspiring to
    see you vocal about, and conquering your fear.
    Thanks for sharing, and letting us all into your
    life.

    John

    • ashley

      John! Hey thanks for commenting, so great to hear from you!
      Hope you are having an awesome new year and let me know next time your out here we’ll grab lunch!

      xoa

  • Jane M

    I loved this post!

    The glee of finally getting into handstand can only be felt by those of us who struggled with it for months (and years). I must have tried to kick up to the wall 1000 times before I finally found myself in handstand. There are still days, like today, when I find it really hard or just can’t do it, and I worry “is it gone?”. But it always comes back, each time a little stronger than before.

    Congrats on conquering your fear and getting to this huge milestone.

    • ashley

      Thanks Jane!

      I felt like a different person in Tony’s class tonight!

      Yes, you know exactly what I am talking about ;) I really appreciate you sharing your experience, I so need the reminders that I am not alone. I love that it comes back each time a little stronger.

      Here’s to many more handstands in the new year!

      xoa

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