I am glad social media did not exist when I was in high school. Can you imagine? It’s hard enough as a 30-something to navigate the inner work that goes along with maintaining social media platforms. I am sure that constantly comparing myself to others via my smartphone would have wrecked me as a teenager.
Since my first iPhone purchase in 2010 I have spent more time on social media every year. I love the internet and the incredible communities I have participated in since putting more effort into my online presence. It’s fun and rewarding. When I shared on social media that my Grandmother died earlier this month the outpouring of support was overwhelming. I love being able to share with a large group of people in an instant.
There are many days when I am grounded and clicking through Facebook and scrolling through Instagram is exciting. I see people living healthy, chasing dreams, taking risks, and I feel inspired and motivated.
When I’m not feeling good about myself social media is harsh. Before I know it I am lost in a sea of comparing myself to someone halfway around the world. Suddenly I am drowning in the murkey, gross waters of self-doubt and within minutes I am frantically searching for a new program I can study, another meditation retreat I can go on, or ten more books I can add to my reading list because I am not enough as I am.
I’m completely defeated. I am ready to switch careers. Give in. Pack up. Sell everything and move to India or in with my parents, hell it doesn’t even matter at this point. I start to question everything I have ever done, what I stand for, my relationships, my food choices, my business model, my yoga practice. I wonder if I’m even any good at what I do.
Comparison is the thief of joy. For real.
Thankfully there is something I can do something about it. Staying in those dark places is a choice. I have the ability to change my behavior when it comes to getting swept away in social media self-doubt land.
If you have ever been in that place this post is for you.
Here are four simple ways to come out of comparison and into the present:
1. Pause. Once you catch yourself in the act of trying to measure up to another person, pause. Stop everything you are doing and bring your attention to the here and now. Look at your surroundings and see your feet on the floor. Start to name the items that are around you to pull your focus out of fantasy and into reality.
2. Take a deep breath. Hold. Exhale for as long as possible. When you’re in that frantic state trying to find something else to add to your resume, breathing tends to be very shallow. That type of breathing creates more anxiety. Taking several long exhales helps calm the nervous system. When you are calm it’s easier to bring yourself back to the present.
3. Write a gratitude list. There are few things that can turn comparison around as quickly as making a gratitude list. This simple yet effective practice puts the focus on what’s awesome in your life instead of what is missing. The more we practice gratitude the more excited we can get about what’s happening in our life, right here and right now.
4. Wish them well. A teacher once told me years ago that when I was jealous of someone I needed to pray for them. When you are filled with envy towards someone you don’t even know (or maybe someone you do) because their internet life seems way better than yours, wish them well. Open your heart as best you can in that moment and wish them a happy, full, healthy life. This seemingly small action has a vibratory effect that can be incredibly healing.
We never know what is going on for another person. We all want to put our best selves forward online and why wouldn’t we? It’s completely natural to want to look our shiniest and share all the cool things we are doing. The problem lies in forgetting these crucial pieces. The constant compare and despair eats away at our happiness.
Focus on the positive. Yes social media can be a drag but it’s all about our perspective. Can we rally and work towards strengthening our communities or are we more comfortable feeling bad about all that is lacking? It’s a choice I have to revisit often. No matter where you are try to:
Stay present. Breathe. Practice gratitude. Send a prayer.
I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts on this topic. I know it’s a big one for many people and it feels vulnerable to put it out there. Please weigh in when you have a moment.
Wishing you a lovely week.