4/29/2012

importance of having a safe place

Ah, Sunday night. What a lovely week that went by very quickly! I was just writing out my rent check for May – really?! I must say I have been feeling the effects of my five day cleanse that ended last Wednesday. I have had more energy, clarity, and lightness than I have in a long while.  I have stuck to eating completely raw, mostly vegetables and fruits with a little olive oil and tiny amount of nuts and seeds. I wanted to continue to give my digestion a break from grains and legumes and am happy to be doing so. Truth be told I don’t even feel like eating those foods right now. They all seem way to heavy. I am definitely seeing how important the re-feeding period is after a juice cleanse. Last year after a 2 week intensive detox I stayed on a clean, raw diet like this for another three weeks before starting to eat legumes, grains, and cooked vegetables again. I think the main thing is to continuing to listen to my body. It knows what it needs and when I feel I need to adjust my diet I will.

During Friday’s yoga class I had another yoga break down and it was super intense. Transitioning off of the liquid diet and having a very healing session with my Thai massage therapist last week opened up another layer in my healing process. My back has been bothering me again after practicing Urdhva Dhanurasana (wheel pose) and it brought up the fear and frustration that I will always have this issue. Even after taking every step towards practicing the pose as safely and slowly as possible I started to become afraid that I was re-injuring myself. Talk about emotions. It’s still incredible to me how much stuff this pain is bringing to the surface.

I haven’t cried that hard in a class in a few weeks and this time it felt like a very deep release. The last few days I have been more comfortable in my body and have a level of body awareness that I did not have before, it’s like things just got a tiny bit clearer but that little bit is making all the difference. I swear I am getting to the point of this post……;)

While I was having my melt down in class my teacher came over and gave me a hug and told me how much I have changed and grown since I started showing up to the studio. After class today we had a nice brief chat and I told him how much I enjoyed practicing in that community and how important it is for me to have a space where I can completely let go and be myself.

There are so few places in the world where I can be 100% authentic and it is safe. Often when I am out and about I have a slight guard up or I am carrying some sort of tension around from dealing with such a stressful environment. This yoga studio is a safe place where I can let my guard down, get into my body and practice facing myself in a room full of people trying to do the best they can to live awakened lives. There is something so magical and profound about being in that energy and then not shutting down when I get scared, speaking up when I am in pain or having doubts and allowing others to witness my journey which is not ever as graceful as I want it to be.

Ever since I set foot in this studio it felt like home. In the midst of all the sadness and confusion from moving to a new place as well as the excitement and joy, I know when I walk into that room I am free to be myself and there are no expectations for me to be anything more or anything less. Having a safe place has made this transition to Los Angeles much smoother. Just thinking about this studio lights me up and warms my heart. I am looking forward to continuing my journey with the amazing teachers and practitioners I have met there.

xoa

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