6/30/2012

mini vacay day 15 : birthday cupcakes and a quiet evening at home

These are the crazy vegan cupcakes I made for a friend’s birthday today. I mentioned a while back how much I enjoy baking because it is so methodical. Baking relaxes me in a nice way. I let myself have fun with these cupcakes and they were a hit at the party. It’s always such a compliment when the food/dish/cupcakes you bring to a party is/are eaten up!  I suppose you can’t really go wrong with cupcakes but still, it is gratifying. I am glad I can own that I am good at something.

For most of my life I have hidden my gifts out of fear. I’ve always known I excelled in certain areas and could never admit it. Even when I won awards in school or was invited to prestigious events or acknowledged for something I would brush it off like it was nothing because I had such low self-esteem. Recently I was out to dinner with someone I don’t know very well and I remember having this moment where I said I was good at a few things in a very matter-of-fact way. That night I reflected on how much progress I have made in the area of having a little pride. It was cool because in the moment I didn’t even hesitate, I was like, “I’m good at….” and that was that. I am grateful this way of talking about myself is starting to come more easily to me. It has definitely been a long and awkward road.

For my last day of mini vacay I went to the party I mentioned and came home early to roast veggies for a client and rest. I got a great message from a dear friend last night about how happy she was to be going home early on a Friday night to lay low. I totally get that. I have had more invitations to do fun things this weekend than I have in a while, maybe ever since I moved here, but I know I need to continue to rest and take care of myself. I am finally feeling like I am coming out on the other side of all that terrible insomnia and I am not willing to mess that up right now.

This month has been intense, maybe the most intense since I moved to LA. I am happy that I know what to do to take care of myself and that I continue to honor what I need even if it means missing out on fun events, hopefully those won’t be my last invitations! Hahaha! I have a feeling this is only the beginning. I have learned a great deal this month. Taking a few steps back to assess my stress levels has been key. Bringing vacation-like aspects to my daily life has been essential. I have been sitting for longer in my mediation practice as well and meditating at night is my new favorite activity. I hope you have gotten something from all of these posts and have been able to take away something useful from them. While I love to write about my life and experiences I don’t do it in vain. I want to connect and support people to grow and develop and take good care of themselves.

I just put the gigantic farmers market beets I bought this morning in the oven and I am going to sign off and play with the F. I hope you all are having a great weekend and I’ll see you back here tomorrow – the first of July!

xoa

Comments

  • Marlon

    Hello Ashley, I just wanted to say I am sitting here reading your archives so the things you say and write are definitely not in vain! I have been going through a fairly intense inner shift lately, and am beginning to start work on myself that I have been aware I needed to start a long time ago. I think I found you at the right time, and everything you have written has been a major inspiration to me and helped to clarify things I could not yet put into words myself. Thank you!!

    • ashley

      Hi!

      So nice to hear from you, thanks for writing. I am happy that you are beginning to start to work in yourself in this way – very inspiring!
      I wish you all the best on you journey, know that you are not in this alone ;)

      xoa

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