12/3/2012

moving through it

It’s been a whirlwind last few days. I wanted to write yesterday but I didn’t have it in me. Saturday I had a long shoot day for the new images for my website. It was an incredible day with such wonderful people. Honestly I can’t believe it came together so well in light of everything that has been going on the last week. There were so many moments on Friday where I was in tears on the floor totally devastated from the recent events and at the same time sure that I would not be able to pull it together for the shoot. I had people coming and there I was a complete wreck!

The shoot was magical to say the least. Everyone was so kind and fun. It took my mind of my emotional pain for the day and I just dove in and worked my tail off. For the first time in over a week I felt 100% focused, cared for and the icing on the cake – absolutely beautiful. We all laughed a lot and it really did wonders for me. Looking over the jpgs today from the shoot my happiness comes through in the images and I am grateful for that. Who wants photos of a sad wellness coach!?! I just sent the photographers my selections and will have images by the weekend – in plenty of time for my new site launch January 1. I am excited about it!

This evening I went to hear Marianne Williamson speak with a new friend and it was exactly what I needed to hear. She talked about our biggest issue, bigger than anything else we face in life is the false idea that we are separated from one another. This isn’t a new idea to me at all and one that most days I can get behind. With the pain I have been facing as of late it is all too easy to slip into loneliness and despair and feel disconnected from the world. There is something so dark about this kind of pain because like I have said before, it isn’t even about this relationship ending, I am grieving every relationship that has ended. I’ve had a few moments where I get in to that space of thinking it’s all my fault and that is where things go super dark.

Marianne Williamson also said that they way through the darkness is to shine light on it. This almost made me cry. How many times have I been in a dark spot and either tried to push through without feeling it or to “work on it” in an effort to avoid or get through the feelings as fast as possible? The only way out is to shine the light of love and universal truth. If I avoid the darkness I miss the lesson. Pain is not for nothing, it can be a great teacher if I am willing to explore and face it without letting it define who I am. Today I want the lessons. I really do. I am so ready to learn and see what I can do differently next time. I am willing to cry and feel and share with people how I am doing in order to expand and grow and eventually help others. None of these experiences are for nothing. My life has shown me that every heartache I go through has been used to comfort another in a similar situation. All of my pain can be turned into a way of authentically relating to others and this is the ultimate goal of my life, to be real and useful while I am here.

In looking at the month ahead, the last month of the year I am going to continue to take inventory of my actions, feelings and experiences so that I have a clearer idea of how I want to move ahead in the coming year. According to the I Ching this is a time to step back and really slow down. Winter is about reflection. In my yoga practice I am practicing a great deal of forward folds that are symbolic of looking within. This is the time to ask the important questions. What I have learned about myself this year? What were my successes? What areas still need work? In what ways did I act brave and step outside of my comfort zone? In what ways did I hide out and act out of fear? Do I owe anyone an amends? Over all did I build on my self-care and spiritual practices? Did I make myself available to help others? Did I blame or did I bless?

As we move into this month ask yourself the questions. Dedicate time to reflect and take inventory of your year. I promise it will be worth it.

More soon.

So much love to you all.

xoa

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