Is this ever the lesson of the last week! I cannot even tell you how many opportunities I had to practice patience – it was kinda exhausting ;) I am happy to report that my eBook is currently in the hands of a new InDesign eBook expert and should be ready in time to launch tomorrow night for my birthday! As much as I wanted to launch last week it will be pretty special to launch my first book on my birthday.
Ah! And if you are on the blog right now you might have noticed that there is a navigation bar at the top under my twitter feed. That is because my new site is currently LIVE! We just went live like an hour ago. I can’t believe it. I am so happy! Tomorrow I will send out a formal eNewsletter with the site launch and eBook (hopefully). It’s been a long while coming and I am glad everything is finally coming together.
So yeah. Patience. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong with getting my eBook ready for distribution did this past week. All the recipes and photos were ready to go and then I started the layout. Well it turns out InDesign is much more challenging than I anticipated and then when you create interactivity that you want to work on multiple platforms it’s like, omg, so complicated! I kept hitting wall after wall and asking for help and hitting even more walls. People were writing me wondering where is the book and I had to keep saying oh it’s still not ready. Ugh! Not my favorite. I felt so frustrated and powerless and I just had to surrender and remind myself there is a learning curve and it’s ok that it’s not going smoothly!
I had so many moments this week where I just had to laugh and step away from the computer and do something else because continuing to hit the refresh button was making me feel like a crazy person! Lots of meditating, yoga and breathing this week for sure. Grateful that I continued to take care of myself and do what I needed to do despite things being up in the air with the book.
This evening I got another opportunity to practice patience with myself. I ran into the man I was seeing last year and a lot of feelings came up. We had an exchange of “hi’s” and that was it. I felt very sad. It was only the second interaction we have had in nearly two months. On my way home I allowed myself to feel the sadness wash over me and then I went directly into prayer. During my prayers I was reminded to have patience with myself as healing a broken heart takes time, always more time than I anticipate or want in that moment. It’s okay that running into him made me sad. It’s up to me to not make that sadness about anything other that what it was and be gentle with myself.
Practicing patience around a hurting heart guided me towards forgiveness. Ultimately all I want is to forgive him and forgive myself. In not getting upset with myself for being sad I was able to take another step towards that forgiveness. I am much closer than I thought I was.
This week has shown me that there is so much tied up in the practice of patience. It is not only a great way to be kind towards myself it is a doorway to forgiveness one of the greatest healers of all. Sigh. As tired as I am in this moment from the long week and as much as I still feel the dull ache of missing someone I am content and happier than I have been in a long time. It is amazing how we can have so many feelings all at once and I have been shown, once again that my inner light and peace have nothing to do with outside circumstances. I always have choices.
As we move into this next week lets try to remember to go easy on ourselves and others as we continue to practice patience in all situations. I hope you all are well and I look forward to checking in tomorrow.