5/3/2012

reflect + transition

Hi!!! Sorry for being MIA the last few days. It’s been busy up here in Portland and this is the first time I have been on my computer since I got here. I must admit it has been pretty nice to have a little break from this machine ;) I have missed blogging though so I wanted to be sure to check in today. I just finished a new post about kale that will go up tomorrow. Kale really is one of the most nutrient rich leafy greens you can consume.

I came up to Portland on the 1st to spend a few days catching up with friends and to drive my belongings down to LA. It has been an emotional trip thus far. I got very teary eyed when we were flying over Oregon thinking back to my first time flying up here almost six years ago to the day. God. So much has happened since then. Ever since I turned thirty I’ve been having more nostalgia for my youth, but mostly for my 20’s. I definitely don’t want to re-live that decade or anything like that but I have been thinking about all the fun times I had as well as how uncomfortable I was a great deal of the time. Living in Portland was such a bittersweet experience and for the first time in a long time my mind was flooded with images of the good times I had while living up here.

In 2007 I moved to Portland, in the beginning of my saturn return. Think what you will about that but I am a believer. It was such an intense move and upon arriving here I entered some of the darkest times of my 20’s. For years it has been difficult to separate the city from my experiences here. In a way I blamed Portland for a lot of my issues and I see now I was too caught up in my own stuff to really give Portland the chance that I could have had I been in a different place. Portland was a transitional place for me and while so much of my life here was painful and dark I did manage to create some of the most important and loving relationships of my adult life and for that I am deeply grateful.

Returning to this city after nearly a year of being away has been good for me. I have a new perspective on this place and can appreciate its wonder and beauty in a way that I could when I first started visiting here six years ago. There is something so sweet and easy about this city that after being in LA for a few months puts me at ease. LA is rough and stress provoking. Portland is slow and relaxing. Last night I had dinner with a friend and we talked about how Portland is the kind of place you can just sit around for years and never feel the need to do anything else but sit. In some ways that is incredible but it is also what drove me back to California. As much as I am thankful for the leisurely pace of Portland I need to live in a busy place for a while.

Saturday I am packing up my storage space and driving it to my new home in LA. In some ways it feels like this is the final step, like having my belongings here has kept me tethered and now I have no reason to come back here. It’s as if I’d had one foot in Portland and one in California since I left last summer and after this weekend I’ll have both feet planted in California. Honestly I have some fear. In some ways it’s been nice to have my things in storage – it’s an out in a way. But at the same time I’ve been transient for such a long time that despite my fear I want to experience what it is like to actually live some place again and not constantly be planning the next adventure that will take me elsewhere.

Sigh. Lots of feelings! I am happy that I have two more days to spend here visiting friends and eating some of Portlands award winning vegan eats ;) I hope you all are having a great week thus far and I’ll be back very soon. Much love.

xoa

 

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