10/17/2012

remember to stay grateful

gratitude5

What a day. Phew! An emotional roller coaster. I just finished a few slices of watermelon from the fridge and am feeling much better. Today was kinda rough. I am working on getting some projects off the ground and while I love what I am doing it was super draining this afternoon.

I am embarrassed to admit this but I had a mini tears session earlier. It didn’t last very long, a few minutes tops but I just had to go there in order to move beyond it. Sometimes I want to pretend like I don’t feel certain things because I think I should be more evolved. Ha! It sounds silly when I write it out but it is true. I am trying my best to practice acknowledging what feelings come up in me and feeling them, even if I don’t like them. Well this afternoon I needed to cry a bit. It was just one of those days ;)

After I let myself have my mini tear session I checked my inbox and saw an email from one of the women on my gratitude list. Sigh. They always come at the perfect time. I pulled myself together and started typing. By the end of my list I felt so much better. Then of course a text comes in confirming a project date. Sigh. Things might not be as dire as I thought. They might even be more interesting than I can imagine – if I remember to stay grateful.

The gratitude list I am part of was started in 2010 by some girlfriends of mine in Portland. That was also the year I spent six months in Berlin and lived for those daily emails. They were my connection to back home and also a reminder of what is truly important and how amazing my life is regardless of how I feel in a particular moment – feelings always change. Always.

I’ve heard it said that gratitude is an action. To me this means acting grateful, staying as positive as possible, not constantly complaining and taking responsibility for my life. To practice gratitude I must be proactive and willing to do my part whatever that looks like. I must be willing to write those gratitude lists even when I don’t want to. I must also be willing to let myself off the hook and recognize I do the best I can each day. Gratitude has to be part of my daily practice in order to live a happy and useful life and in order to not let frustration and sadness get the better of me. This evening I am grateful that I allow myself to have authentic experiences and that I don’t try and hide my “messy” or “unattractive” qualities. Instead I embrace all of myself and count every one of my experiences and qualities as a blessing.

xoa

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