5/20/2013

there is nothing to hide

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Good evening! I hope this finds you well. I’ve been doing some research for my yoga class tomorrow morning and have decided to blog as a way to gather my thoughts and refine them. Writing helps me get clear and bringing clarity to my teaching is important. The more I flush things out before class the more I can be fully present and feel confidant that I have put in the necessary work.

It’s been a pretty amazing day. I started off this morning connecting with a teacher via FaceTime – ¬†a fun way to engage. A little bit later I went to advanced practice and held my first 1 min and 30 second handstand. Rad. This afternoon I had a session with my old life coach and got honest about some areas in my life that have been slacking a bit. And now it’s 5:20pm and I’m gearing up to sequence class for tomorrow. If it were 10 degrees cooler in my apartment this would be a perfect day ;)

During my chat with Zach (the life coach) we discussed how crucial it is for me to speak up in my life. For the most part I am doing so well in this area, I have worked hard to change and allow myself to be seen. And of course, there is room for improvement! There have been a couple of times recently where I have hidden myself, not spoken up when I was feeling insecure or uncomfortable. This isn’t the end of the world but it is a good indication that I need to stay on top of this work. I know from past experiences that when I don’t let people see me, like really see and experience me, I shut down, get resentful and eventually push them away.

Zach got right to the point and said that I was passing judgement on my humanity. He reminded me that I have nothing to hide. I haven’t done anything shady or weird, all I have done is have some feeling and not talk about them. Honestly there are times when I forget that this whole business of building intimacy and relationships is a process. I feel like, ok, I have been dating this person for a while I should never feel insecure again. Or, I have taken so many risks in my career, I should never be afraid to put myself out there again. I don’t think it works like that. Not for me anyway.

What I do know is that the fear isn’t the issue – it’s what I do when the fear arrises that can turn into an issue if I allow it to. There is nothing to hide. All the parts of myself that I don’t like are what makes me who I am and they are exactly the parts that other people love about me. The more I hide myself the more bound I become to that fear which will eventually corrode all areas of my life. The more willing I am to share all of myself with the world around me the more freedom I have access to and the more connected I am to my humanity.

xoa

image credit// lisa congdon 

Comments

  • Roz

    Ashley,

    Thank you so much for this post. I haven’t met you in person, only heard wonderful things about you from our friend-in-common Nico. Through your site I feel connected to what you are doing. I find myself holding back (or not speaking my truth) from fear of not being accepted or loved. Thank you for opening up from the heart to your healthy lifestyle “followers.” Your ALL encompassing healthy lifestyle is inspiring. Xxo Roz

  • ashley

    Hey Roz,

    I am so happy to hear that this post resonated for you. I think it’s a huge deal and have been talking about it a lot in my yoga teaching. I have heard great things about you as well! Nico is amazing ;)

    I totally hear your fears of not being accepted or loved, those are some of the biggest and deepest ones for me too. I think it is so important to share about this stuff and connect with each other – this is where a great deal of healing can happen if we are willing to step up and share what’s really going on.

    Wishing you a lovely evening.

    xoa

  • Claudia Bravo MacPherson

    Hey Ashely!

    I really enjoy posts like this. I really loved reading your philosophy on here too! Thank you for sharing your journey.

    xo C

    • ashley

      Thanks so much Claudia! I really appreciate that. So glad you are part of our cleansing group ;)

      xoa

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