These are the questions I am asking myself today: Am I able to move through life, remembering everything shifts and is impermanent? Can I accept inevitable changes and groundlessness with as much grace as possible?
To be honest this seems like a super tall order this afternoon but it is what I aspire to. I woke up with such an ache in my heart, it was that kind of ache that makes your body want to double over and then you end up on the floor wondering how your life got to this exact moment. And I knew how I got there but that didn’t make it hurt any less. After my morning practices I decided to go to yoga class even though I knew I’d probably cry. I’m glad I went. It felt good to be in a safe place with sweet, calming energy. During the class the teacher talked about our practice being a way to accept the constant shifting of life. If we can move into each pose with as much mindfulness and grace as possible this work will carry with us off the mat and help us to accept our lives and the constant state of flux we live in.
In matters of the aching heart I need constant reminders that my work during this time is to stay present with the feelings and allow myself to feel them even if it seems messy and out of control. My work is also to accept the changes that are taking place. If I throw a fit and refuse to accept the reality of the situation all I am doing is trying to talk myself out of the pain and I know from experience the only way out is through.
Can I accept this change gracefully? I know I can. I am capable of moving through this experience, and other life experiences like an adult that knows how to be kind, compassionate and loving towards herself and others. I have proven to myself time and time again that I can take care of myself. Today is no different. Even in the midst of this dull achy chest and the feelings of loss and loneliness I turn inward, feel the pain and love myself for being willing to take risks.
Ultimately I want to experience a true, full life. I want everything that life has to offer and that means allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to take a chance and allow my heart to break open. Even with all this sadness I know who I am and what I desire and if it means continuing to break open my heart in order to manifest it I will. I accept that life is constantly changing and that it is impossible to hang on to anything even when you put your heart on the line.