Like so many journeys, this one begins from from a place of deep questioning. It all started a year and a half ago when my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to have a child. I recognized I had some serious soul searching to do. At the time I was 33 which is not the same as 23 when you’re considering having a baby! I knew if there was ever a time in my life to really get to the bottom of this question it was right in front of me. With the help of my friends, teachers and this journal, I made it a point to decide what it was I truly wanted.
Within weeks of writing that first journal entry I had a handful of pregnant women asking for guidance on how to nourish themselves and their growing babies. The universe had my attention loud and clear. It doesn’t really get any more obvious than that does it? I had to laugh. I took those signs and ran with them.
Within another couple of months I connected with doula Erica Chidi Cohen. A spark was ignited during our first lunch and again, I felt the universe had a plan and this was all part of it. Since that lunch we’ve become dear friends and colleagues working together supporting mamas.
Questioning my own fears around being a capable mother, worries about bringing a child into this chaotic world, and healing aspects of my past has been such a wild ride. Today I am willing to say yes to what I feel could be one of the most profound transformations of my life, becoming a mother. I understand completely that the universe has her own plans for me, it just feels really good to have spent this last year and a half getting clear on my own wishes.
I am grateful everyday that I have been given the opportunity to process all of my feelings in such a loving and supportive community. Time and time again I am shown that love is truly limitless and that our capacity to heal is as great as we want it to be.
Embarking on the journey of consciousness and making a commitment to getting my literal, spiritual, and figurative house in order to prepare for a new life is beyond thrilling to me. And the more excited I become, the more mamas find their way into my life. Being able to take care of myself and support other women become mothers feels like a true circle of healing.
Photo of my Mama and I x Joy Mickenny and of my Father and I circa 1981.