Releasing my relationship with Jason last fall was such a huge leap of faith. While I don’t feel that he was the one that made me feel small, our dynamic left both of us feeling like we needed space to stretch and grow. Our combined energies made us both feel small. All these months later we are expanding and reaching beyond what we could create together and that feels really powerful.
Since committing to taking better care of my energy in relationships I’ve observed how much they are changing and that there are levels to letting go of people that cannot meet you where you are. It’s also becoming clear that some people are not meant to be forever relationships on the physical plane. There is a natural ebb and flow that keeps things dynamic and interesting. I am learning to enjoy the coming together and releasing as part of a bigger practice in being present and grounded in the constant change we inhabit.
Over the last six months much has surfaced in some of my close and distant relationships around jealousy, fear and feeling like my growth is accelerating at such a quick pace that there are certain people that simply cannot meet me in this new place. And the truth is, it isn’t a race. We’re all on our own path and some of us are meant to flow together for lifetimes and others a short distance. I just keep swimming out into the middle of the ocean and I am not really looking back to see who is there and who isn’t. My eyes are focused on the greater vision of my purpose. These days I am most interested in noticing who is right next to me, swimming along, one breath at a time towards the dreams we are manifesting with every stroke.
I recently had a friend tell me she was jealous of something that I did. This is not the first time this has happened in my life or this year. My life is getting so big and it’s challenging for some people to come to terms with because they have to look at the places in their lives that still feel small. Jealousy is something I have had to face time and time again and it’s always interesting to look at where I stand with it in certain moments and how much has shifted around it over the years. One thing I do know for sure is if I am feeling jealous chances are there are areas in my life where I need to take up more space or get that project off the ground I’ve been sitting on. It’s very much tied to my creativity and once I express that energy in some way it moves.
While I am grateful for the honesty and vulnerability in my relationships it still doesn’t mean that I need to hang onto every one of them. I’m at a point in my life where I am recognizing how limited my time is in many ways and I want to spend it with people who bring me alive. By releasing the relationships that feel like an energetic drain I am creating space to connect with the people who are in my life that light me up. My friend Erica always says, if they can’t ride with you it’s time to let them go. My vision has never been this clear and I am committed to disengage from anyone or anything that doesn’t help me grow, expand, and love myself in a deeper way. Also, fun, if there is no fun involved it’s got to go!
When you’re super sensitive releasing relationships and coming to terms with the sadness and grief that accompanies those changes can feel very intense at times. I’ve been pretty invested in other people’s feelings most of my life and have made myself energetically tiny as to not upset anyone. Since separating from Jason I am committed to taking up more space in all of my relationships and it’s been challenging me in new ways. It’s humbling how much work I have to do in this area, but I am mostly grateful to be in close relationships with people that love me and are fully supporting my expansion.
Releasing relationships that don’t encourage aliveness has created space for new friends and heightened my creativity. I’ve been taking a storytelling class for the last six weeks and am working on sharing my work in public on the stage. It’s so huge for me and feels in many ways like the next evolution of my writing practice. I have dreams of writing a one woman show, after the book is out of course ;)
I could go on and on about the significance of letting go and share a list of steps to take to release a relationship but I’m most invested in all of us looking deeply within our own hearts for the answers we seek. When in doubt, pause and listen. When you’re ready to step away from a relationship you will and if it feels like you cannot do it on your own, reach out for help. Relationships are living, breathing energy connections and they are always shifting. It’s important to ask yourself if your relationships are changing in the direction you are heading in or if they are keeping you from reaching your fullest potential.
The older I get the more I feel the preciousness of life. We are meant to be joyful and we are meant to be full of life. Relationships that don’t nourish our spirits are meant to be catalysts to propel us toward a bigger vision for ourselves.
Take a risk.
Let something go.
See how big your life can become.
Share your truth.
Pray to the animals.
Trust your gut.
All my heart.