I‘ve been thinking a great deal about the importance of being consistent, particularly regarding my interactions with others. There is something so refreshing and comforting about being in the presence of a person that carries themselves in a steady and joyful manner. This is the type of person I want to be. For years I let the actions and attitudes of others determine how I acted in the world. Today I get that no matter what another person is doing, I can be grounded, clam, and serene if I choose to be.
We all have experienced a person at some point in our lives that seemed to be glowing. They were vibrant, full of life, and smiled often. They were the kind of person you were drawn to for their warmth, light, and realness. They laughed a lot. They looked you in the eyes, were incredibly curious about you and the world, and no matter what they were always were happy to see you. I have been fortunate in that I have had many people like this in my adult life. All spiritual teachers (even if they did not know it) that showed me it is possible to live free from the bondage of self and genuinely care about another person wanting nothing in return.
The description above is how I have been described when I was very young. I made friends easily. I loved grown ups. I had no fear and would walk up to anyone and start talking to them. I knew how to share and play well with other kids. I was free and living in each moment not attached to a past or future. When I write this out it seems so obvious, it’s like, yeah, so just do that, be that kid, what’s the real issue?
And it is that simple on some level. On another level it is challenging because I am older now and have been conditioned and had all these life experiences that have shaped me to be afraid, un-trusting of myself at times, awkward, and unsure. Thankfully these stumbling blocks in my constructed personality are breakable and I have have done much of the necessary work required to be the person that I want to be. It’s mostly a matter of cultivating enough awareness to change my reaction and behavior patterns – this is where the consistency comes into play.
Maybe for some it is just as simple as saying go be a kid again. That hasn’t been my experience. Allowing myself to shine, take up space and be a light in the lives of others has been a terrifying process. I have had to face all of my fears of not being enough and being unlovable exactly as I am. These are huge for me. It has taken time, persistence, tears, countless moments of feeling terrible in my own skin, and the willingness to continue to face myself even when I didn’t want to, which to be honest, in the beginning of my journey was all of the time.
Some of my biggest work as an adult has been practice not hiding who I am. I have used a variety of media over the years to share myself with others but the area that I continue to work on is sharing myself with others in the moment. What I am discovering is that the more I open up to people in person the more full my life becomes. It is so rewarding and shatters any feelings I have of being separate and alone. One of the greatest gifts we can give one another is our true self. We are more powerful and full of love than we realize on a daily basis.
Tonight my heart is full of love. I see the benefits of practicing exposing my heart to life on a consistent basis. Doing something once doesn’t change me. It’s the repeated actions and continued efforts directed towards living a freer existence that alters my perception and shows me my true nature. The more I step up and recognize that my fears are not me the more I am able to detach from them and return to the child at heart—the precious one I’ve always been— full of love, light, and God.
Being able to return to this child over and over allows me to live with the same consistency I see in my teachers. I can show up and greet people with a smile even if I’m feeling tired or annoyed. I can express my gratitude for those around me and be an example of what life can look like when you take good care of yourself and follow your own path. The other night a young woman told me that she was drawn to my energy, that my presence made her feel welcome, wanted, and calm. I never thought I could be a person that could transmit that energy to another. Today the truth is I am that person. Sometimes I slip and make mistakes. Sometimes I tense up and shut down at times but it doesn’t last for long because I know in my heart that I am meant to shine.
Photo: Lauren Moore