6/2/2017

Friday Feels 20

Friday Feels 20 x Ashley Neese

Happy Friday friends! I want to take a moment to thank all of you who are continuing to show up and check out the journal when I haven’t been posting each day for over a month. I am in the middle of some major life transitions right now and haven’t had the energy to post. I’ve been writing behind the scenes this past week and will share some new essays and posts in the coming weeks, promise!

This journal has always been, and will continue to be a reflection of what is happening in my life and lately life has been incredibly challenging. It is all for the greater good, but has required me to take a step back and really nurture myself in new ways.

Here are a few things I’ve been into this past week. Thinking of you all and sending so much love. More very soon. x

 

Horoscopes are on point again!

So excited for this girl power movie.

The large scale artist exhibition I am definitely going to see this summer.

A must read for women interested in healing with herbs.

God I love this series, this one is especially epic.

Cannot wait to eat at this cafe next time I am in L.A.

A gorgeous seasonal cookbook.

The simple tote I carry everywhere.

Redwoods super close to home.

Giving my liver a little extra love at night with this plant.

Our favorite Japanese food in San Francisco.

x

5/19/2017

Friday Feels 19

Friday Feels 19 x Ashley Neese

A new spiritual podcast about re-examining the everyday by one of my favorite artists.

These gorgeous shelves are going into our library/meditation room.

A beautiful interview with my partner Nic about his apothecary.

Excited to be collaborating with this epic wellness platform, details soon!

Many of my favorite L.A. restaurants all in one place.

The organic essential oil company I use in my personal and private practice.

Nic and I are reading this super helpful book my Dad wrote about understanding investing.

The young Hollywood medium I am obsessed with at the moment.

A spring and summer cookbook that is inspiring me to get back into the kitchen.

I can’t stop listening to this new track.

Heading over to the west coast gem show this weekend.

x

 

Photo x Anaïs & Dax

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5/17/2017

Gratitude List 28

Pausing to write this list and reflect on the day.
Endings and beginnings.
The certainty of cycles.
Overcast skies.
Getting the dog riled up on our walk, she always makes me laugh.
Missing our cosmic cat back in Oakland.
Sharing my life with such incredible beings.
Friends who take care of themselves.
Socially responsible investments.
Seeing a future that feels more like me.
So much growth it’s unbelievable.
Waking barefoot on the grass.
Praying to something bigger and more powerful than myself.
A quiet moment of contentment.
Awareness of subtle energetic shifts.
Watching my clients take huge risks and open their hearts up to receiving even more.
Reading my Dad’s book again and feeling the writing lineage of my family.
Being a teller of stories and a seeker of knowing myself in new ways.
Opportunities on the daily to practice compassionate patience.
Big, life changing, things on the horizon.
Feeling into how giant it is right now.
Karmic clearings.
Putting my most honest foot forward.
Hawks on light posts.
Messengers.
Oracles.
Omens.
Love.

5/16/2017

Doing It Imperfectly

Doing It Imperfectly x Ashley Neese

 

Giving myself loads of room to make mistakes this week, particularly my intimate relationships. Over the years I’ve learned to take major risks in all areas of my life and now I’m moving into this phase I’m calling subtle mastery. I know, and I feel it in my body when I’m not being 100% transparent in my closest relationships.

The other night Nic and I had a heated discussion that turned into an argument in the car. I felt my energy rising so much that I jumped out of the car, slammed the door and went into the hotel room. I immediately took off my sandals and started pacing. The tension was rising at such a rapid pace, my heart was pounding and I was muttering under my breath. After about two minutes of that I paused and took in a huge inhale. I held it for a long while then exhaled. In a matter of seconds I saw the choice I had made in past relationships flash before my eyes. I’d get into the shower, continue to let the tension mount and by the time he came into the room I’d be so activated that I’d try to pick a fight or totally shut down.

Right after those images I took and held another deep breath. After the exhale I tuned into my heart and it told me to go out to the car, apologize and be honest about what was really going on with me.

When I got back into the car my energy was completely different. No longer activated and defensive I become open and vulnerable. In that space we were able to have a deeply healing conversation that shifted the course of our evening and well into the next day. And the more I write about it the more I see just what a major impact it had on my heart, nervous system and capacity to shift super old, way outdated programming in just a matter of minutes.

In a future world I hope to be able to not have to get out of the car, slam the door and have that process but I have zero shame about any of it today. What I learned through that somatically began the work of integrating at a new level for myself and for our relationship. By taking just a few breaths I was able to shift my energy and ground myself to be able to show up the way I really wanted to that night, for myself, for Nic and for the foundation we are building together.

So this week I’m setting the intention to not do it perfectly but to show up with heart, with spirit, and with my full breath. Because the truth is I’ve got this and so does he. All my heart. x

5/14/2017

Gratitude for My Mom

Gratitude for My Mom

I talked to my mom on the phone twice today and my heart feels so full. We are in such a grounded place in our relationship and a big part of that is because of the way she’s been showing up for us. The year I stopped drinking my mom and I started going to therapy together and after a few sessions joined a therapy group that we stayed in for a year. At the time everything in my life was new without drinking or using and I had no idea just how brave we were until much later. I laugh thinking about the times early on when both of us would get activated in the group and be scrambling for the door at the same time! That was one of the first moments in my adult life I was able to recognize how similar we were.

Flash forward sixteen years and there has been more healing in our relationship than I ever dreamed possible. When things are challenging these days we have learned how to stay grounded and lean into each other instead of running for the quickest way out. One of the biggest life lessons I’ve been navigating lately is how to stay. To stay with my breath. To stay in my body. To stay with the intensity of feelings. To stay receptive. Learning how to stay has been teaching me mountains about what it means to trust. In trusting we have to stay true to our hearts, we have to stay embodied.

Loss has been a huge theme in my life this past month and I’ve been reaching out to my parents on a more regular basis. I feel the frailty of life and the time passing at such a swift rate. I don’t want to have too many regrets about times I didn’t spend with my mom, praise I didn’t give her or gratitude I didn’t express every time we spoke. So today in my calls I said what was on my heart. I shared how much it meant to me, the way she’s been showing up for Nic and I. I told her how much I cherished her ear and her wisdom and humor. I told her how proud I was of her for taking care of her finances and allowing herself to have more fun lately. Witnessing her willingness to grow to her best ability is one of the greatest teachings her life has offered me. Mama bear, as I call her, I love you so.

x

Snapshot of my mom and I in Italy in the 80’s.

© ASHLEY NEESE 2017